


You Still Crumble At My Name

by bubbleguchi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Idiots in Love, M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29071983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubbleguchi/pseuds/bubbleguchi
Summary: When Koushi couldn't handle the fact he'd fallen in love with his best friend, he ran away. Now, six years later when they meet to watch the infamous MSBY Black Jackals vs. Schweiden Adlers match, seeing Daichi opens up some old wounds.(Title from 'Bitches In Tokyo' by Stars)
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	You Still Crumble At My Name

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChaoticFriendly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticFriendly/gifts).



> man, january really is A Month, huh?
> 
> this fic is for jenna, whom i love with my entire being. happy birthday, you aquarian beauty!!
> 
> thank you, as always, to my andie, for betaing and being an all-round angel <3
> 
> baby's first daisuga, pls be gentle!!!

“Suga!”

It’s been years since Koushi’s heard his name said in that particular rasp, the tone only deeper and richer with age. Funny how it still makes his insides twist. Funnier still how he’d ever expected any different.

“Hi, Daichi,” he smiles as he approaches the voice’s owner. “Long time, no see, huh?”

“Look at you!” Daichi replies, eyes roving Koushi’s body, taking him in in his entirety. “You almost look like a real adult.” That smile – it’s stupid and crooked and Daichi’s eyebrow is raised as he waits for Koushi to laugh at his terrible joke. Koushi hates how much he still loves that smile.

“Yeah, well one of us has to,” he jokes back, grinning and prodding Daichi in the ribs. That’s what they do, right? They haven’t drifted too far for that, have they?

Daichi just laughs, rubbing at the sore spot with one hand and clapping Koushi on the shoulder with the other. It’s ridiculous how that broad palm on his shoulder seems to burn, even through Koushi’s jacket. Even after all this time.

It’s all ridiculous, really. How Koushi had fallen in love with his best friend and never said a word. How he’d gone to a different university to escape it, preferring to run from his problems rather than face them. But the most ridiculous thing of all is that it didn’t work; that even now, six years later, Koushi is still in love with Sawamura Daichi.

Or, he thinks he is. How can you even know, when you haven’t had a real conversation with someone for half a decade? A texted ‘hi’ here and there, a publicly posted birthday greeting; none of it’s _real,_ not in the way they used to be. And Koushi knows it’s his fault – he’s the one who couldn’t handle his feelings. He’s the one who left.

It almost hurts more that Daichi is being so normal with him. Koushi had expected at least a comment about his almost radio-silence, even just a curious look as they spoke. But Daichi gives nothing away, treating Koushi as if they’d only seen each other yesterday. As if they were still best friends.

Yeah, Koushi has regrets. If he could do it over, maybe he would have told Daichi how he’d felt. Whatever Daichi would’ve said in response, at least he wouldn’t feel like this now, like he’s in some sort of limbo, waiting for Daichi to call him out on his many absent years.

“It’s really good to see you again, Suga,” Daichi says as his laughter dies out, squeezing Koushi’s shoulder minutely. His smile is soft and genuine and he _means_ it.

It’s even worse than being called out. It’s proof that he could’ve stayed by Daichi’s side, if only he’d been stronger. If only he’d stopped running.

Koushi has always been a little reckless, indulging in his impulses just enough to keep things interesting. When his impulses had said to cut ties and leave everything behind, he’d done it. It wasn’t easy, but he’d done it. But it’s easy to give into them right now, when what they’re telling Koushi to do is the most natural thing in the world.

He pulls Daichi in for a hug, pressing his face to that solid chest and finally feeling like he’s come _home._ Daichi tenses for a second, before he’s laughing again, the sound rumbling through his body and Koushi’s core, wrapping his arms in response around Koushi. It’s kind of hilarious that he ever thought he could fall out of love with this man. But then again, Koushi never has been the most realistic person.

When Asahi joins them, it really is as if nothing has changed. Koushi even feels more like his old self; getting hyped up for the match, ribbing Asahi, laughing and joking like he always did. But still always with one eye on Daichi. He’s like a faint twinkle of light, always in Koushi’s periphery no matter which way he turns. And he’s been turning for years, always trying to escape that steady pull of light. Of course, it never worked.

But still, laughing with his two closest friends is like a salve on Koushi’s soul. Because yes, even after all this time, they’re still his best friends.

“They really trust _you_ with their kids?” Asahi asks incredulously, fear in his eyes.

Koushi laughs, loud and bright. “Yep! I’m raising the next generation. Moulding some _veeeery_ impressionable minds.” Koushi grins slyly, and he can see the horror spread across Asahi’s face.

“The future is doomed,” Asahi sighs, and Koushi cackles, the sound mingling with the low roll of Daichi’s laughter.

“Always so dramatic,” Daichi scolds, and Asahi only sighs again. “I bet the kids love you,” he says to Koushi, stilling his heart for a second. “You always did have a way with them.” He laughs softly, almost to himself, shaking his head. “Not just kids, actually. You bring out the best in everyone. Always have.”

Koushi’s throat goes dry, and he gulps. He doesn’t miss the look Asahi gives him, so _knowing_ that he feels instantly exposed. Has Asahi always known? Does he know that this is why Koushi left? Maybe coming back was a bad idea. This, all of this is too familiar, and Koushi is falling too easily back into old roles. It’s bad enough to still want Daichi when he can’t have him; Koushi can’t afford to let himself regress like this. It’s not fair. He owes it to himself to protect his heart from further pain.

“I’m really sorry,” he mumbles, already on the move. “I gotta go.”

Why does it have to be like this? Why does Daichi still have to be so _Daichi,_ so comfortable and welcoming and so much like _home?_ And of course Koushi is running again, but why the fuck is he bothering? It didn’t work before and it won’t work now, but what the hell else can he do? He can’t stay there any longer, can’t let himself get so used to that contentment when he knows he can’t have it forever.

He doesn’t see anything as he rushes away, doesn’t see the people or their faces, moving mostly on instinct. He startles as a hand closes around his bicep, gasps as he finds himself being turned around to face his very reason for running.

“Suga.” Daichi’s voice is quiet, gentle and soft as his face creases with worry. Koushi can _taste_ the way his heart is pulsing in his throat. “What’s going on?”

“Daichi, please,” Koushi pleads, trying to pry Daichi’s hand from his arm. He can’t do this. “I need to go, I need to–”

 _“No,_ Suga,” Daichi cuts him off, tone firm and uncompromising. It’s his captain voice, and Koushi could almost laugh if he didn’t think he’d start crying instead. “You can’t do this. You can’t keep avoiding me like this, Suga.” He sounds hurt, his hand tightening minutely around Koushi’s arm. “What did I do?”

“What?” Koushi breathes, unsure of what Daichi is asking him.

“What did I do to make you leave me?”

That’s when Koushi feels his heart fracture. He knew it must have been a surprise, him just leaving like he did, practically cutting all ties. But he’d never stopped to think that maybe Daichi would blame himself. Because that’s just how Koushi is, it seems; he’s stupid and selfish and he never fucking _thinks._

He sighs, his whole body sagging with the weight of it all. “It wasn’t you, Daichi. You didn’t do anything.” Daichi’s hand falls, as if he’s now sure that Koushi won’t run again. He’s right; Koushi is so tired of running. “I left because of _me. I’m_ the one who couldn’t handle how I felt.”

“What do you mean, ‘how you felt’?” Koushi can feel the weight of Daichi’s eyes on him, searching and confused.

He laughs, the sound somewhere between a sigh and a sob. “The fact that I was in love with you, Daichi.” He watches as Daichi’s face falls, eyes wide as the tips of his ears colour that lovely pink-red that looks so sweet against his tan skin. “And I didn’t know what to do about it, so I left. I thought that maybe if I got away from you, I could get over you.”

“And did you?”

The urgency in Daichi’s voice gives Koushi pause. He looks into Daichi’s eyes to see an intensity he hasn’t seen since they were 18 and at Nationals. It steals the air from his lungs.

“Did I what?” he chokes.

“Did you get over me, Suga?” Daichi takes a step forward, eyes boring straight into Koushi. He can’t breathe, the scent of Daichi’s pine shampoo too close – _of course_ Daichi still uses the same fucking shampoo.

“No,” Koushi whispers, and Daichi leans in to catch it.

The crowds around them melt away, nothing left but the sound of their breathing and Koushi’s manic heart beat and the smell of fresh pine. Daichi closes his eyes, tilts his head so that his forehead rests against Koushi’s. Koushi wonders if he’ll ever catch his breath again. Still, oxygen doesn’t seem to matter so much when he can feel Daichi’s skin against his, the subtle heat of a flush radiating between their faces.

“I never got over you, either.”

That voice, so warm and low and _close._ Koushi wants to drink every word, to taste them before they ever leave Daichi’s slightly parted lips. Can he? Is that what Daichi is saying?

“I wanted you so bad,” Daichi murmurs, _“so bad_ that I didn’t know what to do. And you were supposed to be the bold one, not me. I thought if there was ever a chance...well, I thought you’d tell me.”

Koushi scrunches his eyes shut and knocks his head hard against Daichi’s. Daichi pulls back with a grunt, eyes opening as he frowns down at Koushi, a red patch already blooming on his golden skin.

“You’re such an ass, Daichi,” Koushi berates. “Why did you expect _me_ to do all the work?”

Daichi blinks dumbly, rubbing at his forehead. “Suga, I can’t believe you just called me an ass when I was trying to confess to you.”

“Yeah, well maybe I wouldn’t have if you’d done this six years ago!”

“I’m doing it now! Can I continue?” Daichi asks, exasperated.

Koushi sighs. “Yes, you can continue.”

“Thank you.” Koushi rolls his eyes at the obvious sarcasm, but stays silent. “Sugawara Koushi, I have been hopelessly in love with you since I was 17. I wish I’d said something sooner,” Daichi squints, and Koushi squints back _harder,_ “but better late than never. So will you _please_ go on a date with me?” Daichi is equal parts exasperation and sass, a look that very much suits him.

The smile that creeps across Koushi’s face is definitely involuntary and he certainly tries to fight it, still intent on acting the brat. But before he knows it he’s grinning, the switch from distraught to cheeky so instantaneous that he’d probably have whiplash if he wasn’t so used to his own tumultuous moods.

“I guess a date couldn’t hurt,” he smarms, “you know, as an act of goodwill on my part.”

 _“God,_ you’re such a little shit,” Daichi sighs with a grin of his own, resting his forehead back against Koushi’s, his hands coming to rest on Koushis waist.

“You knew this and yet you decided to fall in love with me anyway.”

“Trust me,” Daichi scoffs, “it wasn’t a decision.”

“Okay, wise guy,” Koushi huffs, unable to keep the smile from his face, “how about you shut up and kiss me already?”

Ever gracious, Daichi does as asked. When their lips finally meet, Koushi can’t help but think that maybe he doesn’t need to have any regrets after all. As much time as they wasted being useless idiots, it all led them here, to where they stand in the middle of a moving crowd, laughing against each other’s lips as if they’re giddy teenagers again. Funny, really, how easy it is to be in love with your best friend. Funnier still that Koushi had ever doubted the fact.

When they finally manage to separate, returning to their seats hand-in-hand and still giggly and high, Asahi smiles at them smugly.

“It’s about time,” he laughs, and Koushi doesn’t even have it in him to think of a comeback, settling instead for a quick chop to Asahi’s stomach. He simply beams in response to Asahi’s pained protests, Daichi chuckling at his side.

It feels good to let himself settle back into this, Koushi thinks. He’d thought that maybe he’d needed to stay away from his old life in order to become who he wanted to be. But as he sits in this stadium with his best friends, the hand of the love of his life resting snugly in his own, watching their former underclassmen live out their dreams, he thinks he might have been wrong. Being with Daichi doesn’t mean that Koushi is regressing, or reverting back to who he used to be; it doesn’t mean he’s a step away from turning back into that scared teen who ran away from all of his problems. And it doesn’t mean that he’s any less scared of what the future may hold for him and Daichi. It just means he’s finally come _home._

  
  



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